I'm home (I love that word) after the first leg of what will be, hopefully, many more legs of touring. I have been lucky. Other than the state of our airlines and of my 6'4" stuffing itself into less than roomy seats every day, the actual on camera experience became easier each time. The hotels vary, but in general were lovely, and the energy of each city and its people is educational. And, I'm reminded why I love Minneapolis. Often people assume we're from L.A. or New York then ask when I explain I am from Minneapolis, "Why would you want to live there?"

Ask anyone who does, or who has traveled here. I've yet to visit a city where I'd rather live.

What bums me out is the state of our flight attendants. I'd pay big bucks to go back to hot pants and pantyhose, fun hats and finished make-up and hair. They just always look like they've been ridden hard and put away wet. Sigh. I think probably because of the state of the airlines, they have. Oh the days of "Western Airlines, the o-o-o-o-nly way to fly."

On Monday our media escort, Larry. gave us the tour of San Diego and La Jolla where we did the requisite drop ins to book stores where, again, they didn't have books, didn't really care, or couldn't be found. I appeared on Good Morning San Diego, badabing badaboom, to the airport, to the hotel in Sacramento, to a quick walk around Old Sacrmento (which was quite fun) to a conversationless dinner with bad martini's at the Embassy Suites.

The Makeover Guy on Good Morning San Diego

Up early, I called into an Arizona radio show called "The Duo" which was hosted by two "regular guys" trying really hard to find a common ground with "The Makeover Guy." The first question, "Where did you get that name, in high school or something?" started the ball rolling, but we found our pace when we got on to picking up women in bars, not telling your wife she has a fat butt, and the difference between Roseann Barr and Delta Burke. Next.

I then called up to the Justin and Maryann Show in Sacramento and, joy, even though Maryann wasn't there, Justin had read, liked, and could talk about...what? MY BOOK!! Good interview.

Next stop: the Arden Fair Mall, where KCRA channel 3 does "Reports at Noon." And, again, with a female anchor missing, I was interviewed by Walt Gray, who couldn't be less interested in makeovers or beauty products, but sleep-walked his was through the segment like a pro.

Walt Gray from KCRA feigns interest in beauty for older women

On to Phoenix, where it was 100 degrees. Check in, ask around for a restaurant, have the doorman hail a cab and as we entered the car waiting for us Robert realizing that there is no meter asks,

"How much will it cost to get to the Barrio, which is on 16th and about 3 miles from here..."

"Thees caht ees all yoors for tonight."

(?) What does that mean?

"So...does the Hotel pay for this, or what?"

"Thees is a subcahntdacted cohmpany..."

Basically, we were confused, and it took about 4 blocks to finally get:

"Eeet eees 16 dollar flat lrate."

"Turn around, take us back, you didn't say that when we got in the car."

This led to some drama, some talking to the door man, the front desk man, and eventually walking in the heat to the convention center where we flagged down a cab driver (who didn't understand us, but wanted to know how far we were going before deciding if we could get in). He took us to our restaurant ($14.00 with tip). And we enjoyed a fantastic Mexican dinner and two of the best margarita's I've had in a while. The cab ride back was $10.00 and took half the time.

Wake up,puffy and bloated, then drive to Good Morning Arizona (see it here), Sornoran Living Live (see it here) one radio interview that turned out to have cameras lighting and took an hour. It was an interview with Clarissa Burt (Clarissa Burt Talks), who I loved and mildly lusted for, immediately, and somehow felt oddly, past life love. I must devote an entire blog to her, because, I'd have definitely not been gay for at least 24 hours had I met her in the 80's. But that is an entirely different blog.

After our hour of fun it was on to the airport for the 12:20 flight.

Good Morning Arizona

Sonoran Living Live

Ready to go home? Not quite. Our Northwest flight ran into problems, came back to the gate, and, you guessed it, was detained for several hours. Fortunately we managed to get on the next flight (I have people now) and we ended up in Minneapolis at 7:46 p.m.

Home. That word.

We were all "Minnesota Smiles" when, we ran across an airport advertisement with my Mother, her only time, I think, in a canoe.

Joann Hopkins, my mother "acting" like she can paddle a canoe